Search Out Support

​In this episode I explore how having some simple conversations can make a dramatic difference to the chance of success during a training process. 

Listen to the other episodes of this mini-series:

• #1: 20 Lessons From 20 Weeks Of Training (intro) 
• #2: You Get Out What You Put In 
• #3: Avoid Distractions 
• #4: When In Doubt 
• #5: The Best Recovery Tool 
• #6: Don't Avoid What You Suck At 
• #7: Plan Your Day 
• #8: Training Hard And Weight Loss Journeys 
• #9: Plan For Social Occasions 
• #10: Trust The Process 
• #11: Self Reflection 
• #12: Ask Questions 
• #13: Avoid Triggers 
• #14: Search Out Support 
• #15: Be Serious About Recovery 
• #16: Have A Prepared Answer 
• #17: Have A Mantra 
• #18: Simplicity 
• #19: Self Reflection 
• #20: Have A Follow Up Plan 

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​Transcript

Introduction

[0:00] Hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen. So, in this episode, we are covering episode number 14 of our 20-episode mini-series, which is 20 Lessons Learned Through 20 Weeks of Training.
And in today's episode, we are going through a really, really, really crucial topic for if anyone is going through, you know, a major training journey in their life.
And I'm going to preface this one by saying, look, what I'm about to go through, it may not be completely possible for a lot of people.
I fully understand this topic can be a little bit tricky for a lot of people.
And what I'm talking about today, it's not in absolutes.
Yes, in the perfect world, if you can get around what I'm about to say 100%, and that's all smooth, that's all great, fantastic, awesome, that's awesome.
But if you're not in the perfect world, and this is a little bit of a tricky thing, still take this on board.
And what I want you to think about is just small percentage changes.
It may not be the perfect world, but any tiny small percentage changes you can get a little bit closer to what I'm about to talk about is going to be so, so, so valuable for you.

Importance of Family and Partner Support

[1:12] So with that being said, let's talk about the topic, and that is family and partner support.
Now, essentially, when you're doing a big training program, when you're putting in a lot of time in your training, you're trying to make big life changes, whatever it may be, you really do want to try your best to get your family or your partner to help support you, obviously, if those people are around you.
Now, if you don't have them and they're not very, very supportive, it can be done to have a big training process and big training journey, but it's going to be much, much, much harder.
So, let me tell you the story of where this came from on my side of things.
Now, at the beginning of my training process, you know, before I even signed up, I realized I needed to change.
You know, I was unfit, I was unhappy with a number of things, or kind of how I was physically and mentally, and this and that, and I really, really wanted to get moving.
Now, I saw this 20-week training process come up, and I saw this opportunity, I was like, that is something I really, really, really want to do.
But as I was looking at it, I was like, look, this is a big commitment.
Five mornings a week, 5 a.m.

[2:21] I'm going to be doing some tough stuff, working really hard around this.
I'm aware I'm going to have to make a lot of big life changes.
And I knew it was going to be a big, big, big commitment.
So before I signed up, I had a chat with Ali, who's my wife.
And I was like, look, are you going to be okay with me doing this?
I kind of explained it. I laid it out. I was like, this is something I'd really like to do.
I was like, are you going to be all right with me doing this?
Not so much like asking permission, but just making sure she was aware that she was kind on board and yeah, that we could kind of be in this together.
And ultimately, she said yes.

Making Changes Together

[2:54] So, you know, coming from that, you know, and there were a number of conversations we had through the process, but there are a lot of things that I kind of knew needed to change.
So, before we even started training a month or two beforehand, I realized, look, you know, I want to change our approach to dinners.
You know, we'd been doing a meal kit service for quite a while, which was cool. Like it was really, really good for us at the time.
Basically, it wasn't like meal sent to us, but it was, you get a box of the ingredients and the recipes and deliver to your house and you put things together.
And for us at that time, when we were super busy, a little bit uninspired with our cooking and everything, it had been a great choice.
But at this time I was like, look, in all honesty, the foods, they're delicious, but you know, some things maybe not super conducive to my goals.
Maybe we could be doing something that's a little little bit leaner, maybe a little bit healthier, not quite as indulgent as some of the meals we had to say that.
So, I asked her, I was like, look, are you okay if we stop that?

[3:51] We've been doing it for like 12 months. And I was like, look, are you okay if we stop that?
And on top of that, and I was like, look, are you okay if we can concentrate on meals, which are going to be simple because I knew I was going to be pretty tired and I do most of the cooking in the house and also relatively lean.
Because I was like, look, I want to be really healthy over this process. process.
And I was like, are you going to be okay with that? She was like, yeah.
Now, as we were getting into things, I realized, look, I needed to go to bed earlier.
I was training really, really hard. We're up so early. I was getting to the end of the day. I was like, I am knackered. Like, I honestly need to get to bed a little bit earlier. And I had that conversation.
I was like, look, I'm knackered. Like, please don't think worse of me for going to bed very, very early.
And it's a bit of a bummer because obviously she works.

[4:32] All day i work all day we see each other and like in the evenings kind of our time together so i was having that conversation i was like look you know we're going to see each other a little bit less because i'm so tired i need to go to bed um and that conversation you know for social occasions you know when we were going out for weddings and house warmings and all of this i told her i wasn't really going to be drinking and i made sure she was on board with that.

[4:55] And as i got i got in further into the process and i was like look you know what i'm a little bit behind i need a little bit more work a little bit more training i chat with her about going in on Saturdays.
When we went away, I told her, look, you know, time's away. I want to keep up my training. I want to still be active.
Do you mind if I duck away for an hour or two and do a session or whatever it may be?
And each step of the way, as we were coming through the process, not just at the beginning, but each step of the way, I made sure I had that conversation, that Ali was on board, that she understood where I was coming from.
So, not just like, hey, I'm going to do this, but like you understand why this is important for me.
It wasn't so much about permission, mission, because we're both grown adults, but it was about support and understanding and making sure she was in my corner.
She understood what I was going through and why I was doing it.
Now, in all honesty, through the process, as much as I had all these conversations, I'll be clear, it wasn't smooth sailing. You know, she got a bit frustrated at me at times, which is fair enough.

[5:49] When I was tired and I was grumpy, I was, you know, not around.
She got a bit worried when I was dealing with aches and pains.

Challenges and Importance of Support

[5:55] She got a bit sick of certain and dinners if i was just doing really simple things some nights when i um had um you know whatever and she you know missed getting pizzas or curries or whatever maybe which i certainly did as well but in the grabs grand scheme of things these things weren't such a big deal and it was such an important thing for my training journey to have her in my corner so ultimately for anyone hike anyone any hiker listening to this who is training for a big adventure or maybe going through a big training process or trying to make some changes in their life and if you live with a family member or a partner, kids, husband, wife, partner, parents, whatever it may be. This is so important.
You need to try your best to get them on board. You need to make sure they understand not only what you're doing and what you are wanting to do, but why you are doing it.
Why is this hike so important to you? Why are these training sessions so valuable for you?
Why are you sort of wanting to be healthier or whatever it may be?
You need to get their support.
Now, Now, a few classic examples of this is waking up early to train.

Waking Up Early to Train

[6:56] Like a lot of people will be like, look, you know what? I just cannot fit in training during the evenings. It just doesn't happen.
Maybe I've got to cook dinner. Maybe I'm just really tired or whatever it may be.
So, you know, I'm going to try and get up a little bit earlier to train.
And one of the hardest things I've seen a lot of my hikers struggle with, particularly if they live with a partner, is in the mornings.

[7:17] Either the partner will not be supportive of it and they'll kind of pull them back into bed or they, you know, or we get upset the alarm's going off early or whatever it may be.

[7:26] Or they won't help them. And maybe someone really struggles in the morning.
They're like to their partner, hey, I would love a bit of help.
Can you just kick me out of bed? And they just don't do it.
But on the other side of things, if the partner's in the corner, give them the little shove out of the bed or can be understanding that you're getting up earlier and disappearing, whatever it may be. It goes such a long way.

Finding Time for Hiking on Weekends

[7:44] The other side of things is like finding time to hike on weekends.
If you happen to have kids, this is a massive thing that a lot of hikers, my hikers struggle with, particularly if you're leading into a big adventure and you You need to be hiking every single weekend closer to the trip, or maybe you're trying to fit in some overnighters or some longer day hikes, whatever it may be. It can be really, really, really tricky.
And if you're trying to juggle this alone, it can be tough.
But if you have that conversation with your partner and you say, hey, you know what?
How can we fit this hiking in? This hiking is really important to me because I need to be ready for this adventure.
I'm really worried about just not being in good shape and just not having a good time and yada, yada, yada, yada, and explain those reasons why, then come up with a solution together.
It may not be a perfect solution, but as long as you're having that chat together.

Cutting Out Trigger Foods

[8:29] Or it may be a case of cutting out certain trigger foods from the house.
Again, something a lot of my hikers struggle with. If they're trying to clean up their diet a little bit, purely for energy and recovery, or maybe they're going through a bit of a weight change journey or whatever, and they're aware that, look, there's certain foods in the house which are just not conducive for me, and I know if they're in the house, I'm going to actually eat them myself, have that conversation.
Say, look, do you mind taking this food out of the house? If you can get that support, it makes it so much easier.
If you can't get that support and someone's not in your corner, keep on buying and eating in front of you. It gets way, way, way, way tougher.
​
Encouragement for Conversations

[9:04] So ultimately, I'm not going to go into two more examples of this, but ultimately, if you're going through a training process, I strongly, strongly, strongly encourage you to have the conversations, with your partner, with your spouse, with your kids, with your parents, whatever may be. Have Have the conversations around it.
Let them know not only what you are trying to achieve.

[9:27] Ask for their support through these actions and let them know why these actions are important for you.
You're going to have to have this conversation multiple times through the process.
It won't all be smooth sailing, but any extra support you can get is going to go such a long way.
Please try not to just do this by yourself. Just go off on your own and just completely ignore them because not only is that going to be a source of tension, but for yourself, it's going to make things so much more difficult.
And again, as I said at the start of the episode, I fully understand if this type up a thing is just really hard for some people.
In certain situations, it may be tricky. Your partner may not understand.
They may just be the fittest person in the world and be like, why do you have to hire a train? They may hate hiking.
A million other reasons. And in those situations, yes, it may not be perfectly get them in your corner, but think about what you can do to get small percentage changes here.
Because these conversations, they're so valuable. They go such a long way.
And it's just so important if you're really, really dedicating yourself to a full-blown training process.

[10:25] So, my mission for you now is if you haven't had these conversations with your family, with your other half or whatever it may be, have a think about what you need to have a conversation with. Have a think about where you need support.
Have a think about why these things are important to you and make it happen.
It can be tough, but I'll tell you what, it will do wonders for the likelihood of success for your training.
So, with all that being said, I hope hope you got a bit out of this today.
I hope it helps a few people and I hope it gets a few potential partners and family members in your corner.
So thank you so much for listening and we'll talk to you very, very soon. Bye.

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